Battles

I have been doing another Beth Moore study with a dear friend. I know I shouldn't be amazed, but somehow I still am. Amazed how regardless of what we choose to study, how God speaks to us through it. How on some weeks I have been behind and when I finally sit down to do the study I should have done days ago, it is applicable for just that day. Had I done that day's lesson when I was suppose to, how it wouldn't have hit me so hard, or meant so much. For me that is a sure sign that the word of God is ACTIVE and LIVING.

Living in Uganda has it's share of blessings and battles. Challenges/battles of cultural differences, driving on the left side, not having thirty different kinds of cereal, and a butcher who hacks your meat with a machete. Trusting in people is probably the biggest challenge I have been faced with. I am or was a fairly trusting person. My first instinct is to be trusting. Trust until there is a reason not to.

I find that here I am changing. I am a lot more leery of trusting. The past two years here I have been "burned" too many times from trusting someone outright. Some of them small, like just lying to my face. Some larger, like going to a witch doctor to place a curse and denying it. Some too large to mention. Betrayal. Lying. Stealing.

So what's my point? Through studying David I realized that from the time he was first anointed by Samuel to be the next king of Israel that he was pursued by Saul for fifteen years. FIFTEEN years. David had chances to kill Saul, but instead he cut a corner of Saul's robe or took his spear and water jug. When David confronted Saul about the chance he had and Saul was sorry for pursuing David, David did not go back with Saul. Why? David didn't trust him. " Saul went home, but David and his men went up to the stronghold". 1 Samuel 24:22

For fifteen years David waited. FIFTEEN YEARS. Can I wait for fifteen years? When I am in a battle, whether it is trusting someone or battling something within myself.... can I wait for an answer from God for fifteen years? I don't know how David did it. I lose focus too easily. My battle seems to be all consuming. Permeating everything in my life. Strangling me until I can't see straight, until I can't breathe.

And then, I get to this part of the study:

"Do you see what happens when we focus more on our battles than on God? Our enemy appears bigger, we appear weaker, and our God appears smaller. BEWARE! Long term battle can cause vision impairment if our eyes focus anywhere but up!"

"God has not forgotten. He has seen your battles. He has gathered your tears and blotted your brow. He knows those who have treated you unfairly. He knows when you're almost ready to give up or give in. Keep telling Him. Stay in His word. Keep claiming His promises. We need not despair . We must stand in God's word when the battles get tough and resist the temptation to panic."

When I read the above... I almost started crying. More tears for Him to gather. :-) God knows. I don't have to worry, because God is right there with me. What do I need to do? Keep in His word. Claim His promises. Galatians 6: 9-10 "Do not grow weary from doing good, for at the proper time we will reap the benefits if we don't give up to do good to all people."

Do not grow weary. Do not give up. Thank you Lord for the reminder, for the promises.

A family shot

As you all know, we are trying to find a teacher to come and "guide" Makenna and Trevor through their first year of high school. I had found this website through Rift Valley Academy that said they might assign teachers. I emailed that organization to explain that we were not missionaries in the traditional sense, but explained what we were here doing. They emailed back and said sure, send in an application.

One of the requirements was to send in a recent family photo. I discovered that we didn't have any decent ones in over two years, actually the last one was before we moved to come here. I tried for a week to round everyone up to take a picture. Finally, a friend here said that she would take our picture while at church. That was a great idea. After all, it is the one day Makenna isn't wearing her gloves and is wearing a skirt and the boys tend to dress in at least clean clothes.

The following picture is one of five. I can't believe how big Makenna and Trevor are.. of course I know they are as tall as me and soon will be taller than me. Makenna is getting taller and more strikingly gorgeous everyday. She is a big help with things around the house, helping with Declan and a huge help in running and maintaining the KEEP with me. She is more disciplined in her time with God than I was at her age. She is turning into a beautiful woman, young lady of God.. inside and out.

Trevor. I can't believe how much he has grown in just the last six months. He went from a size 8 shorts to a size 14 in like a month. He has sprouted up like a weed and continues to grow. I know I will be sad when he is looking down on me. He is already smarter than me. The way he retains everything he has ever read, is amazing. Now if I could just get him to be interested in things beyond video games and comic books. :-) I tell myself that that is just what boys his age are in to. He continues to be very patient with younger children. He has always been extremely kind and tender towards girls and children. I wonder what God has in store for him with that gift.

Declan. He looks the same. I guess that is because he is still young. Although he has grown a little, he is still small for his age. Unfortunately, he is momma's boy. I love that he still cuddles, that he still comes in for a morning hug. I know in a few months, a year, he will outgrow that. I treasure every one. I try to hug Makenna and Trevor and they make faces, or say "Ok, that's awkward". Declan loves school. He excels at math, loves science and reading.

I didn't intend on this post to be about the kids, but I guess that's what it was suppose to be.

Anyhow... family shot.... I sent that in the title of an email to my mom... she panicked thinking we were "shot"... of course I asked her if she really thought I would email her if we were shot. Would I be emailing at all?! I guess my choice of words was not so good. Sorry mom.

Happy 4th of July

It is weird celebrating our country's freedom while living in another country. I decided to dress the part. I didn't go overboard, but had red, white and blue. My boys decided they would join in the fun and dressed as patriotic as they could manage. Trevor's shirt was red, but had a ninja on it.

We enjoyed a party at the Davis's house. There must have been 75 people there. Mostly volunteers from different NGO's. We had hotdogs, hamburgers, watermelon, potatoe salad.. all the traditional 4th foods. They even managed to find some fireworks. Well, they are more like glorified sparklers but the kids all loved them.

So happy INDEPENDENCE DAY.

June 23

It has been a little bit of a crazy week. I am feeling the affects of it. I can't stop yawning.

Friday is our live concert night at the Keep. So we are always there for the sound and to make sure things run smoothly. This past Friday we had "The Boyz". It was packed. Everything was great. We got home at 10:45 pm.

Saturday was no different. Karaoke night at the Keep has been getting more and more popular. Again, we were packed. Since I run the computer with the song list, I am there until 10pm. Which was a good thing.. 10 is much earlier than 10:45. Except that I got home and realized Jon had the house keys and he was still closing up and then heading out to find some local food (both for him and the guard.) So what should have been an early bed night wasn't.

Sunday. I was on the schedule to teach Sunday School. I managed to make the kids laugh. So I count that as a success. Hopefully they learned something also.

Father's Day. Or June 19th day. Jon didn't want to celebrate so we celebrated June 19th instead. Now we aren't normally open at the Keep on Sunday. We want to be able to relax. Give the staff the option of attending church. A day of rest. This Sunday we opened for dinner. For one party. They had come in to ask us on Friday if we would be willing to open for them. Some of the our staff agreed to come in, so we said yes.

So, I head back up to the Keep at 4 pm, to start cleaning up from karaoke the night before. Turn the drink coolers on. Coffee machine on. Kitchen staff organized.

At 6:30, the team of 40 come. We were ready. They had nicely let us know that they would be ordering, at least, 24 pizzas and 12 burgers. We had all that ready to go when they arrived. It was crazy. So do I include the part where I am being petty (and I know I am?).

So, they asked Jon to say something to the group before they prayed. Jon nicely came and asked me if I wanted to stand up there with him. I, of course, said no. I am not a large crowd person. I like being behind the scenes. Jon goes up in front, talks about me, the kids, and saying welcome. All fine and good. I remain in the kitchen to make sure things are getting out in a timely manner. When the kitchen was done, I go and find something else to help with. The team was buying a lot of bags, jewelry and headbands, so I go and help with that. While doing that I hear the head of the team talking about what was going on the next day for the team. He then mentions that the Keep is not usually open on Sundays, so could they all give a round of applause to "johnny" for opening. (Here is where I am being petty. My flesh won.)

A round of applause for JOHNNY? Um... ok.... thanks. I didn't do anything. Who came in at 4 to clean. Who scheduled the staff. Who made sure the purchasing was done so there was enough. Who does the ordering for the bags, the jewelry, the headbands.

It's my own fault really. I didn't want to be in front. I didn't want to be out smuuzing with the people. (yes, smuuzing is a Jen word.) So why should it bother me? It shouldn't. I don't do this for people. I do it for God. God has lead me down this path. God's hand has been in this from the beginning. To God be the glory.... not to me. Yes, people hopefully benefit. Relax. Enjoy.

Now it is Thursday. I am tired. Like I said, I can't stop yawning. Even typing yawning... is making me yawn. Maybe if I wasn't as tired, my flesh, my feelings wouldn't have been bruised, but that happens. I just remind myself. I am doing this for God's glory. God, not man's praise.

A teacher

We are looking for a teacher. Know any soon to graduate college students with a teaching degree? Know a teacher who is looking for something different? Someone who would be willing to move to Uganda for a year and teach my two older kids. Ideally they would have to raise their own support (which is probably in the ballpark of 6 -9,000 $). I realize that's not much time so we would be willing to help if needed.

What we are looking for:

- a single, male or female, with a degree in high school education

- someone that is willing to move to Uganda for a year, starting this September.

- preferably a christian

- someone who likes kids (yes, there are teachers who don't actually like kids)

More details can be given when contacted.

So if you know anyone have them contact me for more information. Please ask around, keep your ears open, ask at your church...

We also have applications in at a boarding school in Kenya, but still not convinced that is where they are suppose to go/be.

A foul mood

So, I'll be honest. For the past few days I have been in a foul mood. Not sure when it started, and unfortunately I am still in it. I know we all have moments/times in our lives that we are just angry, sad, depressed and it can manifest itself in... well, a foul mood. Seeing as how I am not sure what caused my mood, I am at a loss as to how it get out of it. I've tried reading my bible. Doing my study on fruit of the spirit (strangely a foul mood is not a fruit). Prayed. And yet, my mood doesn't seem to have changed.

So, as I sit here I ask myself... has my mood not changed because I like it? Or is there something that I need to address with God. Is there a wound I am not acknowledging? Am I fighting what I know God is calling me to do, and that fight in me is causing my mood? Probably YES to all of them. Well, not all of them. No, I don't like being in this mood. Yes, there probably is something I need to address with God. Yes, there is a wound I am not wanting to acknowledge. And YES, I am fighting God and what I know He is asking me to do.

Ever have one of those situations where your mind says you are suppose to do something one way, but your heart just won't let you? Pain. Your heart knows the pain that's involved. Stubbornness. You just don't want to do it. I find myself with those two excuses.

I wish I could say that I have moved to the place of surrender. That I am willingly doing what it is that God wants in this situation. Sadly, that is not where I am right now. I just don't think that I have gotten to the place where I am willing to die to self in this situation. Until I am.... hello, foul mood.

Kenna's toe

Kenna has been dealing with an in-grown toenail for a few months now. We have tried antibiotics to help with the infection. Warm water salt soaks. Putting a piece of gauze down in between her toenail and the side, with a paper clip. (not the most fun thing to do.) All to no avail. After two rounds of this, she decided she just wanted to get a section of her toenail cut out.

That operation was... well, gross. I am pretty okay with blood and stuff. I was a nurse. I've seen C-sections, debridements, etc. Maybe it is because it was my daughter, maybe it is because it is a toe. I just know that I can't watch the Dr. take a pair of scissors and start to cut UP the toenail bed. I blame it on the heat... it was hot in that room. I started to feel clammy, cold. Pins and needles on my skin. Before I actually passed out, I just calmly say... " I'm going to sit down, it's hot, I don't feel good."

Back to Kenna. After all this is about her and not her mother being a wimp. She is a trouper. She winces a little. Mainly from the numbing shots. The procedure is over before she knows it. A healed toe! NOT.

After another round of antibiotics, more foot soaking, more jamming gauze between the nail-bed... we head back to the Dr. This time not to just cut a section of the toenail out.... to TAKE THE TOENAIL OFF!

So this past Monday we head to the Dr.'s office yet again. Kenna's friend Janae nicely offers to go with.. more moral support. As hard as I tried not to look, I had to look. I like surgeries. I was done looking when I saw the bloody toenail sitting next to Kenna's toe.

Kenna is doing fine. We can't get the last piece of gauze off the toe though. We have soaked it for the past three nights and it is just really dried onto her toe. I think today we will have to soak it again and we will have to remove it. I'm afraid it will get infected if it stays on.

I am not including pictures, because that would just be gross. Not that telling you about it isn't gross. I guess this post can be included in the "non-sense." So, enjoy the non-sense.