Monday, June 6, 2011

A foul mood

So, I'll be honest. For the past few days I have been in a foul mood. Not sure when it started, and unfortunately I am still in it. I know we all have moments/times in our lives that we are just angry, sad, depressed and it can manifest itself in... well, a foul mood. Seeing as how I am not sure what caused my mood, I am at a loss as to how it get out of it. I've tried reading my bible. Doing my study on fruit of the spirit (strangely a foul mood is not a fruit). Prayed. And yet, my mood doesn't seem to have changed.

So, as I sit here I ask myself... has my mood not changed because I like it? Or is there something that I need to address with God. Is there a wound I am not acknowledging? Am I fighting what I know God is calling me to do, and that fight in me is causing my mood? Probably YES to all of them. Well, not all of them. No, I don't like being in this mood. Yes, there probably is something I need to address with God. Yes, there is a wound I am not wanting to acknowledge. And YES, I am fighting God and what I know He is asking me to do.

Ever have one of those situations where your mind says you are suppose to do something one way, but your heart just won't let you? Pain. Your heart knows the pain that's involved. Stubbornness. You just don't want to do it. I find myself with those two excuses.

I wish I could say that I have moved to the place of surrender. That I am willingly doing what it is that God wants in this situation. Sadly, that is not where I am right now. I just don't think that I have gotten to the place where I am willing to die to self in this situation. Until I am.... hello, foul mood.

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